when all is said and done , there really is no turning back.
that first step you take to go forward defines the person you are choosing to be.
will you be afraid or will you take control of what lies ahead?

summer seems to be getting closer, my flower dresses hang on my brightly pink painted wall that is a result of a phase I went through when everything simply had to be drowned in the soft pastel hues of the color to be beautiful , that would , without notice develop into my sex toy collection theme and no longer my favorite nail color polish.

I don't long for summer like I have every other year before. I'm a bit afraid in fact, nervous all I'll do is stay home putting on pounds I worked so hard to lose. Meeting random people online to fill that void that will no doubt open up when i'm no longer surrounded by the faces of strangers at school. Im weary of the thought of my teacher, what was once a fantasy turned into a full fledged plan with nothing but an overthought dream fading into more or less anxiety and stress.

Im afraid for myself what adventures induced by boredom will bring upon me. Am I ready for summer ? am I willing to compromise to my expectations or make something of myself this summer and finally become the person I've always wanted to be ?